Author: Sam
I shot up from sleep, my back damp with perspiration. Pregnancy elicits such vivid dreams. I glance towards my husband and wonder what he would think if he knew of these dreams. I lay my head back onto the pillow and ponder. What would he say, how would he feel? What would anyone think about me?
The dreams come and go. Often they are way too real. The rigidity of my body as I wake often is scary enough. I don’t want to remember, but my mind won’t let me forget. Was that really me?
I was running. I ran so fast that I could hardly breathe. We were only talking! What did I say any ways that would cause such erratic behavior? I love games, especially at bars. I love pretending to know other people’s stories and with that often comes fun conversations with the people I am with. What was the game that night? Which person would you most and least likely date? Harmless, right… I guess not.
I flew from my seat and dashed out the door to avoid a scene. The boisterous conversation had turned aggressive. I knew “I” was becoming a spectacle. The streets of New York are always lively and I knew I would be surrounded by people and would be fine. He followed.
I felt my left arm tug and turned to see his face grimace. My body ricocheted into what almost seemed to be a trampoline. A chain link fence lining the sidewalk pushed me back into him. His strong arms wrapped around my body like rubber bands as I dangled there. The volume emitting from his mouth was damaging and his strength was frightening. Onlookers stopped, most stared. My heart pounded and my voice was lost. It was deep within me unable to cry out to anyone. One man came close enough for the grasp around me to be loosened. He spoke and with that I ran. Yes, I RAN.
Continued…
Posted in Confessions.
By Sam
– October 2, 2009
Author: Sam
The Cabby pulled into the turnabout as I handed over my only cash. Slowly I crept into the building and sank into the darkness of a corner table in the hotel bar. I had to think; I needed a game plan. Call the room? Involve the staff? Wait it out? Engrossed in thought I never noticed the waitress as she approached. Her wide-eye stare said it all as I lifted my head towards her. I knew I was a site, and she confirmed that with her pathetic way of concealing her puzzlement. “May I get you something?” she questioned. Still having difficulty finding my words, I shook my head no.
My mind raced with thoughts… I’m here 4 more days, the hotel room is in my name, my “stuff” is in the room, our flights home are together… Could I leave? Could I manage to get home, forfeit this relationship now, for good? Was this time it? I pulled myself out of the deep red, velvet chair and headed toward the house phone. I dialed the room. One ring, two, three…no answer on the room phone. I crept through the dimly lit hallway towards the elevators. Glimpses of myself reflected from the brightly polished brass of the historic hotel décor. I peered into surfaces for any hint of those around me, and was alone. Stepping into the elevator I pressed the floor button and the box ascended upwards.
As the doors flung open my heart raced again. Would I find him in the room? Was I being stupid? I had to focus. The plan… go in and get my stuff together, find another room. During the swift walk to the room, panic hit. I had not even tried to find out if there were any room available. At this hour I would be screwed. Still, I had to get my things, and work quickly. My arm reached for the cold doorknob and I slip the room key into the slot. Click, bing, green light…my wrist turned slowly and I pushed through the threshold.
The room was dark, and out of fear I clung to the door. No sound was made and I brushed the wall for the light switch. With a flip, the room was illuminated and nothing was out of place. I dashed from one end of the room to the other gathering as quickly as I could. I had to work fast; this could be my only hope. While I lunged for my make-up bag, I quickly glanced to see if anything remained. As the zipper on my bag reached half way, I heard something… CLICK, BING, Green light?????? He was back.
Posted in Confessions.
Tagged with dating.
By Sam
– October 15, 2009
Author: Sam
Fear flooded my body and paralyzed me. I didn’t know what would happen, or how I would explain my packed bags. Before I could turn towards him, I felt warmth sting the side of my cheek. “Where the H— do you think you are going?” the voice boomed in my ear. Before I even realized he had slapped me, my stomach cart-wheeled. No words emitted from my mouth. “Are you going to answer me? You disrespect me, and you think you are going somewhere?” His sarcastic tone stunned me. “Unpack your stuff. I am the only one that loves you. Who is going to help you?” He questioned me as if I were as stupid as the day is long.
Finally, my voice cracked, “I’m leaving.” A sinister laugh broke out as he said, “I’d like to see you.” As if I were moving in slow-motion, I reached for my bags. Before my hand grasped the handle, my body pelted the bed like a rag doll. My eyes gazed up at him as he towered over me. Again he asked, “Where do you think you are going?” Not knowing what to say, tears just rolled. His strength collapsed me, and was guarding over my being. I tried to stand. My legs, like jelly, lifted me back up. My fingers fumbled for the bag and my heart raced. I needed to get out of here!
Continued…
Posted in Confessions.
Tagged with dating.
By Sam
– October 19, 2009
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